What are Healthy Boundaries And Why Do You Need Them?

Let’s set the scene. You have taken the time to create a healthy body and a healthy diet but what about practising healthy boundaries?

I know talking about boundaries isn’t the sexiest thing in the world, but don’t despair. Today, I want to let you in on the beauty of healthy boundaries and why asserting boundaries in your life is game-changing for your success, happiness, and fulfilment. So let’s get started…

What are boundaries?

A boundary is a way to separate yourself from others - internally and externally. Boundaries are different for everyone and what constitutes a boundary for one person (e.g your friend not wanting to hug), maybe a term of endearment for another (e.g another friend who would be upset if you didn’t hug them). And therefore it’s important to communicate what your boundaries are to others, and if one of your boundaries has been overstepped you are able to express it in a way that they other persons knows where your line is.

Why do you need boundaries?

Boundaries are so important because it’s a way of expressing yourself in the world so that you are valued, heard and feel safe. Without asserting your boundaries, resentments and anger can build up. In the long run, this can alter how you show up in the world, what you think, what that means about you, and ultimately, deteriorate your trust with others.

Boundaries are a form of self-care and self-respect too. It is a way for you to strengthen your connection with your inner self and to express that in the outer world. It’s also a fail-safe so you don’t overexert yourself and allows you the freedom to say no to things that don’t align with your priorities.

Boundaries are a way of feeling safe and create certainty (one of your basic human needs) within your life. It enables everyone to be on the same page and you’re safe in the knowledge that you won’t be hurt or uncomfortable.

Asserting a boundary can sometimes be tough - especially if you are partial to people-pleasing. It may feel as though you will be rejected, abandoned, or laughed at. However, most people find that others respond graciously to their boundaries by apologising and not overstepping that boundary again - especially when you have effectively communicated your boundary with respect and love.

It’s important to understand that most people would rather know where your boundaries are with clear communication than overstep them - instead of having to deal with a potential emotional eruption later down the line. And, having boundaries actually strengthens all your relationships - from your boss to your partner.

What boundaries should you have?

There are six main boundaries and these form the basis of healthy boundaries that creates a happy and fulfilled life.

1.Time boundaries

Time boundaries are to protect and prioritise your life so you do not overcommit yourself to work, home, and/or social events.

2.Physical boundaries

Physical boundaries include your needs for personal space, your comfort with touch, and your physical needs like needing to rest, eat food and drink water.

3. Intellectual boundaries

Intellectual boundaries are created to respect your ideas, thoughts, and curiosities for yourself and others.

4. Material boundaries

Material boundaries determine who you will share your possessions (car, house, clothes, etc) with and how you would like them treated by people you share them with.

5.Emotional boundaries

Emotional boundaries are all about respecting and honouring how you feel and how much energy you have and don’t have for tasks and commitments.

6. Sexual boundaries

Sexual boundaries enable you to give consent, create respect, express your preferences and desires, and privacy too.

Now what?

Well, now you know what boundaries are and the six areas that make up healthy boundaries, it’s time to create some awareness. I want you to think about how you enforce your own boundaries in the life.

Think about how you use and/or don’t use boundaries in those six areas. Do you have clear examples of when you are created a boundary with a friend or when another person has created a boundary with you.

With this awareness, you can start to delve deep into which areas need work and which ones you are excelling at.

In my next blog I will be going deeper into each of the six healthy boundaries with examples and ways to strengthen your own boundaries for a happier life.