Have you heard of bedtime procrastination?
It’s a psychological phenomenon in which people will stay up past a reasonable point of tiredness to scroll on their phones, watch YouTube or shop online (plus many other activities) because they perceive themselves (perhaps subconsciously) to lack influence over events during the day. It’s a perceived control over their bedtime hours…
But why and at what cost?
Many experts say this is due to not having any time in the day for themselves and by staying up late - sacrificing time out of their sleep cycle - they feel a sense of self-autonomy from the daily tasks of every day life.
I’m seeing this more and more with my clients too. One client - a busy mum of two with a part-time job - described her bedtime procrastination as the only time she gets to herself. It’s a safe space for her to watch what she wants and feel like an adult again.
Needs - what do they have to do with bedtime procrastination?
Knowing what you need, when you need it and how to get that need met is one of the fundamentals of a happy life. Needs aren’t wants or desires. They are absolute fundamentals to your survival and you will do anything to get what you need met - even a good nights sleep.
Whenever I hear procrastination, my coaching brain goes straight to needs. I ask myself the questions: Are you getting your needs met and what function does this procrastination serve in your life? Also, how can we get those needs met in other ways?
What need/s is bedtime procrastination meeting?
Bedtime procrastination can be seen to fulfil a lot more than scrolling on your phone until your eyes are sore.
We can break it down by human needs and then by moment-to-moment needs. (I will be going more in-depth about needs in next week’s blog so stay tuned for that.) It can be a way for you to:
connect with your own internal world
be seen/heard and valued
gain safety and to experience that ‘off the clock’ feeling
a different stimulation that you control rather than your environment dictating to you
exploration into another part of personality/ interests and passions that is hidden in your day-to-day activities
gain significance, love and connection and certainty
help to give you space to make a decision that don’t have to rely on anyone else’s opinions or timeframe.
choose to watch something without feeling guilt and/or shame that you should be doing something else or what someone want to watch is more important
How can I stop bedtime procrastination?
By discovering the need/s that you are fulfilling by bedtime procrastinating you can work to get that need met in your daytime hours.
Check in with how you are feeling, what you are thinking and how you are behaving. If something feels like a strong driver moving you in a certain direction (procrastination) it is very likely that your needs are not being met and you need to change or adjust your current activities to get those needs met first. The possibilities to meet your needs are endless.
Example 1
if you are meeting the need for connection by chatting to others online make time in your day to have a conversation with a friend, go for a coffee or joining a meetup group will help you get that need met instead.
Example 2
You are getting the need for safety and significance from your bedtime procrastination how about creating a routine and sticking to it throughout the day (safety), make three promises to yourself (safety) and keep them, have a haircut and colour your hair (significance), have an open and honest conversation with your partner that you need to feel more seen and heard ( significance).
My Thoughts on Bedtime Procrastination
Although the media coverage on this topic has been rather ‘fluffy’, bedtime procrastination can have serious affects on your life. From the obvious - lack of sleep and disruption to your natural circadian rhythm to the less obvious, such as resentment towards those you care about, being triggered more frequently and dis-regulated meal times.
From my coaching experience, living in a 24/7 world where you can have, be and do all the things, all of the time can be overwhelming and a drain on your mental, physical, spiritual and emotional resources. Reclaiming your time, even at the detriment of our own sleep health, maybe the only option to regain control again. It maybe the only chance you get to hear yourself think.
If you would like coaching to identify your needs and/or would like to develop your self to become more than you ever thought possible, my coaching books are open now.
Thanks so much for being here,
Michelle
