3 Tips For finding yourself in an ever-changing world
So, now what?
You are exhausted by it all. A L L 👏🏻 O F 👏🏽 I T 👏🏿
The shops are open, then they are closed, and now they are open again.
You are back at the office then you’re working from home and now back at the office.
You could see your friends and family again, then you couldn’t, and now you can - what are the rules again?
You’ve watched Tiger King and have listened to your ten-millionth crime podcast on your daily walk around the block…
And, now…
Well, it’s all a bit blah, isn’t it? 🤷🏼♀️
What are the languishing and blah-ness feeling?
The feeling of languishing was coined by Sociologist, Corey Keyes. He defines languishing as “the absence of feeling good about your life,”
And the dictionary definition of ‘languish’ describes it as losing your vitality and strength over a period of time as well as a lack of making progress forward.
…and you know what?
The pandemic - and the actions that we have had to take to stay safe - has created an environment where we have had to languish to survive.
It’s no wonder you are feeling the way you do when what you have needed to survive has not been available.
Just as a plant needs watering, great soil and sunlight, we too need great friends, plans to look forward to and an environment of hope and positivity.
As we’ve emerged from the end of lockdown, it’s still ok to feel blah and uninspired to get going again.
It’s okay to feel like the life force has been drained away and you’re stuck in the limbo between going out and not going out.
To help you through it, here are three handy tips to remember when you are in a state of languishing blah-ness and are over it but IT’s not over - just yet.
1. recognise the blah and feel the feels
I know, more feelings to feel. And yes I know, you can’t be arsed.
But, hear me out…
Allow yourself to mope around and allow yourself to feel blah.
It’s not a nice feeling but it is a vital step in your ‘recovery’ to feeling like yourself again.
Remember that you have had a global pandemic to contend with and it’s all been…well weird.
With this in mind, I suggest taking some time to experience how you feel and you can do this in many ways.
Here are my suggestions:
Ground Yourself
It sounds like hippie-dippie stuff but grounding yourself is a great way to move from one state to another. And in practice, it’s a lot more tangible than having a barefoot walk in a meadow and wearing a crystal (I like doing both btw 🤷🏼♀️).
Grounding yourself means doing something that makes you feel in control, strong, connected - and something you like.
Examples of this could be lighting a candle that was a gift from a friend, spraying your favourite perfume and/or have a bubble bath and relax.
It could also include having a sing-a-long to your favourite song, doing a breathing technique (I’ve got a breathing techniques video for you here) and/or standing barefoot in your room with your full focus on the weight of your body pressing into the floor.
Grounding yourself should take no more than five minutes. I like the 30-second/1-minute practises the best…
Make Space
…then make space.
So what does making space mean?
It’s simple, making space means setting a specific time out of your day and shutting out/turning off all distractions.
Turn your phone on silent and dedicate a portion of your day (10/15/30-minutes etc) with your undivided attention to a personal development/spiritual/therapeutic and/or devotion task…
Journal
Write about your blah-ness. Write about your languishing experience and feelings of lack of progression, motivation and energy to get going again. It’s okay to be truthful to yourself about this.
Write about how you are feeling, thinking and behaving right now. Allow whatever to come up, come up.
If you don’t like writing then record a voice memo or press record and make a video. You can always delete it straight after or shred the paper after you’ve finished.
Emotions will come and go like waves. It’s ok to feel them.
The most important thing to remember is your emotions are sensations in the body. They cannot hurt you.
I’ll go deeper into thoughts, feelings and beliefs in another post, but for now, note that it’s ok to express your inner world - and how it feels to be you right now - whilst you journal.
note: A therapist can help create this space for you during this time. But, if that’s not the avenue you want to take/need then journaling your experience and allowing for the emotions to come up - even if they are just ‘blah’ emotions - will help you to process them and give you an avenue to express yourself.
2. set meaningful challenges for yourself
Now you’ve created space to explore your blah-ness. Let’s start to take a bit of action and allow yourself to experience yourself flourishing again.
And the one way to start flourishing is by setting a goal and achieving it.
I want you to set a meaningful challenge/s for yourself that will give you instant easy wins each day.
Think outside the box and choose something that will bring you a lot of joy and fulfilment when it is complete.
And no, a meaningful challenge doesn’t mean you have to sign up for the next socially distanced marathon or book yourself on the next skydive so you can feel something.
Choose a challenge that inspires and interests you.
Here are some examples:
Go through your wardrobe, declutter, and challenge yourself to find an extra five ways to use an item of clothing within your existing wardrobe
Speak to a different friend on the phone each day for the next 7 days
Take on a DIY project at home and complete it
Buy an adult colouring book and complete a picture each day.
Sort out your inbox and magically unsubscribe from all unwanted emails
Download a puzzle app and solve a puzzle a day (‘The Room’ is my fav).
Small easy wins that will give you a boost, make you feel proud and easy-breezy. It will remind you that you are growing, learning and moving forward - and even the small wins matter.
Actually, the small wins matter MORE than you think.
3. be truthful with others about your experience
It can be quite isolating to feel blah whilst others are very open and honest about their excitement to be back dining at their favourite restaurant and/or so excited to be back at work.
Then, on the other hand, you may be surrounded by people who are vocally anxious about everything starting up again. And that can be triggering because you don’t know how you feel really - apart from blah obvs.
You may be typecast by others as a person who is supposed to feel and act a certain way based on your personality. However, it’s completely ok for you to say you feel blah.
You are allowed to have your experience validated and heard - even if it does conflict with other peoples’ experiences.
It’s okay to feel like driftwood amongst the sea of vibrant excitement and the pent up anxiety of others around you.
There isn’t only one way to feel, think or behave.
And, allowing yourself the space to be who you are around others without the ‘mask’ will save you from future burnout.
note Am I suggesting that you blurt out your closest emotions to a work colleague that you barely know? - absolutely not.
However, I will suggest that you pick your confidants wisely as trust should be built up over time. Ground yourself and listen to your gut instinct to be sure when it’s safe to open up, and with whom.
Comment below and tell me how you are handling your blah and languishing feelings? What is working for you and how are you feeling about the post-pandemic world that we are moving into?
I would love to hear from you,
Michelle
KEEP READING: The End Of Lockdown Series By Michelle Thole:
Part 1: For the bosses, managers and team leaders
Part 2: For the super excited and ready to party
Part 3: For the super nervous and anxious about change
